


survivor's guilt.

by steelatoms



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Anger Management, Brotherly Love, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, Wally West is dead, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:17:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steelatoms/pseuds/steelatoms
Summary: after their third failed attempt at finding tara, brion gives up.





	survivor's guilt.

**Author's Note:**

> hi, so i based the markovian language on german (as it is loosely based in the comics). my german isn't the best however, so forgive me if it's wrong
> 
> also yj is back!!! yess!!  
> i would die for brion markov and violet/halo

When they returned from their third failed attempt of finding princess Tara, everyone immediately noticed how different Brion was -- ordinarily, the prince would scream, complain, break things and hurt people, even if by accident.

 

Now, he was just static.

 

Frozen.

 

Empty.

 

Beside him sat Violet, who was studying his face with her familiar look of wonderment, only this time, she seemed to sense his sadness.

 

M’gann flew the bioship, landing back at the farm and the group all silently filed out, no words needing to be said.  Even Forager, someone who hardly shut up, seemed to stray away from Brion.

 

Artemis knew what was coming, she had experienced numbness after Wally had died, she had even been through denial for a long time, searching for ways to bring him back from wherever he was.

 

Eventually it had hit her, that the man she loved was gone, and her team were there, there to hold her through the shockwave of heartbreaking grief that tore down her walls and brought her to kingdom come.  She had thought of joining Wally in nothingness, but she knew now that there was a way she could carry his memory with her and respect him.

 

She had to keep living, to keep fighting, to keep together, even if there were days when she didn’t want to wake up at all.

 

She needed to hold onto hope, for Wally.  For that stupid, beautiful self-sacrificial boy she had fallen for all those years ago.

 

However, Brion didn’t have much hope to hold onto.  His parents; dead, his sister; missing, his uncle; a traitor who tried to murder him and his own brother banished him from his home and was now terrified of him.

 

In a matter of weeks, Brion had lost what was left of his family, his home, his humanity and even his sanity.

 

And yet, he was strangely quiet.

 

Artemis knew.

  
She knew that when the grief hit him, it’d be like a volcano erupting, and he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

 

Yet, it needed to happen; Brion  _ needed  _ to understand the weight of what was happening, otherwise he’d live in denial forever.

 

So when he detracted to the barn on his own, Artemis didn’t follow him, even when she saw Halo’s eyes skirt across to him sympathetically.

 

*

 

Brion sat alone in the barn for hours, not eating, not sleeping, just  _ staring _ at the wall, doubt and rage spiralling in his gut.

 

He had  _ failed. _

 

There was no way to save Tara, there was no way to fix things between he and Gregor and there was no way for his life to go back to the way it used to be.  He never should have trusted Helga and even though she was attempting to atone, he would be wary to trust her, or anyone else in the future.

 

Gregor had been suspicious, of both Helga and their uncle, but Brion, being Brion, had thought his word was law and didn’t listen.

  
Gregor had  _ always  _ been smarter; he was the true heir and king, after all.

 

Being separated from his twin was like being tortured, like a knife slowly slicing through his flesh and tearing him in two.

 

The past few weeks had been the worst experience of his life, being continually reminded of Tara, finding his parents’ bodies strewn and mutilated and being cast out for being a monster.

 

He remembered weeping in Gregor’s arms after discovering the corpses; though he had been suffering, the elder twin had sought to comfort him.  It would be the last they ever held one another.

 

Brion didn’t understand his powers either; they brough distruction and hellfire, but that’s all he could really understand; Gregor would’ve known, wouldn’tve been an out of control headcase about it either.

 

He understood the emotions that triggered his powers (geo-force, Helga had called it).  It was strong, powerful feelings, such as rage, grief, hatred that influenced him.

 

That said a lot; was he evil?

 

Was he destined to become his uncle?

 

Brion felt a familiar anger break through the nothingness; he’d  _ die  _ before that would happen.  He’d die, just like deserved to.  Just like he  _ wanted  _ to.

  
He would join his mother, his father and Tara in the afterlife, and he’d stop being a burden to the team, to the people who he called his ‘friends’.

 

He’d fix what was wrong with him and Gregor.

 

The rage became manifest, and the ground cracked and grumbled beneath him as he got to his feet, rocks forming over his hands as he tore the barn down, praying that something would fall and end his miserable life.

  
He screamed as he tore down the pillars supporting it, as he destroyed the roof.  He screamed until his throat ached, and when, finally, it was about to collapse in on him, he relinquished his hold on his powers, closing his eyes and waiting for the final blow.

  
Strangely, it never came, and he felt a gust of wind against his skin, and when he reopened his eyes, he was outside the ruined barn with a displeased Conner holding onto him.

 

“That’s Ma Kent’s barn, it’s been up for  _ years.”  _ he hissed.

 

Brion pushed the half-kryptonian away, “Get off of me!”   
  


“What was your plan, genius?” Artemis asked, a tinge of bitterness on her tongue, “What, you top yourself, leave the people that care about you behind?”

 

Brion snapped, “I don’t care anymore.  Why does it matter to you, huh? You’ve been running from your emotions for so long that it’s become routine to you.  Well I see through it! I see through you, and it’s pathetic!”

 

_ “Hey!”  _ Dick’s voice was angered, “You leave her alone, you hear me?”   
  


The prince turned his attention to him, “And what of you, Boy Wonder?” he scoffed, “Yeah, I figured you out.  I am  _ not  _ an idiot.   You, you’re also running, you abandoned us because you didn’t want to lead a team.  Let me guess, last time you led one, someone you cared about got killed?”   
  


“Shut the hell up.” Dick’s voice grew threatening.

 

Brion felt M’gann take a step behind him, as if she was going to use her powers, but before she could, he made a fiery crack in the ground between them, the heat causing her to pass out.

 

_ “M’gann!”  _ Conner rushed to her, pulling her into his lap,  _ “You hurt her, you son of a--” _

 

Violet finally spoke,  _ “He is broken.” _ __   
  


_ “I’m not broken!”  _ he screamed, and the ground trembled,  _ “I’m not, I’m not, I’m not!” _ __   
  


Artemis cried, “Listen, it’s okay if you are!   I’ve been where you are, okay? I’ve loved and I’ve lost and I have wanted to die.” her words seemed to have a slight effect, and he looked at her, “But I have people who can bring me back from that dark place, people who love me and make me happy.”

 

_ “Everyone I’ve ever loved is gone!”  _ Brion yelled, but it came out more of a sob.

 

Artemis shook her head, “That’s not true and you know it.  You have us.”

 

_ “You have me.”  _ Gregor’s voice suddenly spoke, and when Brion turned around, he saw his brother standing there, a sombre look on his face.

 

Tears filled the younger twin’s eyes,  _ “Brother?” _

 

“Your friend Artemis came to me, said you were struggling.” Gregor explained, “Now, I can try to help you, but you need to let go, Brion.”

 

Brion tried, but the anger was like a noose around him, “I--  _ I can’t!” _

 

“Yes, you can.” Gregor came to his brother, resting a hand on his shoulder, “Think of Tara, of all the good times we had with one another.  Think of mother and father. Think of me.”

 

The fiery craters on the ground came back together, looking normal once more and the molten rock that had locked onto Brion’s arms fell the grass as he fell to his knees.

 

_ “I’m sorry.”  _ he whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks, “Oh, God.  I’m sorry.” he began whispering apologies in Markovian as he sobbed, and Gregor knelt beside him.

 

He cupped his brother’s face, stroking away the tears, “I’m the one who’s sorry, brother; I never accounted for the trauma you faced.  Come here.” he pulled him into a tight embrace, running his fingers through his brothers’ hair as he wept, just as he had on the night their parents had died and the night Tara was declared missing, “It’s okay, I’m here.”

 

“He is sad.” Violet stated, “But glad you are here.”   
  


Gregor looked up with a small smile, then returned to holding his brother.  Meanwhile, M’gann awoke in Conner’s arms, seeing his worried blue eyes roam her form.

 

“Thank God.” Conner stroked her cheek, then leaned down to kiss her softly.

 

*

 

After Brion had finally calmed down, the team went inside for some drinks, the younger Markovian’s hand trembling as he had a cup of tea.

 

“So, I suppose you’ll be returning to Markovia soon?” he asked Gregor.

 

Gregor’s arm rested around his shoulder, “I can stay as long as you need, brother.”   
  


“Part of me wishes for you to stay forever.” Brion explained, “But I know you must return to our people --” he corrected, “ --  _ your people.” _

 

Gregor’s thumb rubbed over Brion’s shoulderblade, “They are your people too.”   
  


“After what I did…” Brion ran a hand over his face, “They’ll never trust me again.”   
  


Gregor disagreed, “People forgive, people forget.”   
  


“You forgave me.” Brion noted, “Thank you, brother.   But you should go, before the royal guard get you in trouble.”   
  


Gregor nodded, “But if you ever feel suicidal again…”   
  


“I will reach out.” Brion promised,  _ “Ich liebe dich, Brűder.” _

 

Gregor rested his forehead against his, replying,  _ “Ich liebe dich auch, Brion.”  _ he pressed a farewell kiss to Brion’s temple before getting up from the table, sparing one last look at his brother before leaving.

 

“Alright, now that he’s gone, we should have a talk.” Artemis began, the other team members looming around Brion and causing his anxiety to spike up.

 

Sensing this, Violet sat beside him, resting a hand on his forearm and stroking his skin comfortingly.

 

“I understand.” Brion spoke, “You wish for me to leave the team.”   
  


Artemis shook her head, laughing, “No, that’s not what this is about.”   
  


“But I hurt you.  I hurt M’gann.” Brion was confused.

 

Conner remarked, “Yeah, and I  _ am  _ going to need you to help rebuild that damn barn, but it’s okay.”   
  


“Many of us have harmed each other.” M’gann explained, “But we learn from that.”   
  


Artemis nodded, “Yes, and if we’re feeling particularly low, or like we’re going to kill ourselves, we talk to someone, okay?”

 

Brion attempted to reply, but all that came out was a breathy sob and he attempted to wipe his eyes to hide the fact that he was  _ yet again  _ crying.

 

“Oh no, oh God.” Dick commented, “What’s wrong now?”

 

Brion gave a sniffling laugh, “I-It’s nothing… It’s just… You guys.  You are so kind, even though I have been kind of a,” he said something in Markovian that sounded like a curseword, “And I have never met people so forgiving.”   
  


“Listen, we all get caught up in our emotions, but we are  _ here  _ for you.” Artemis took Brion’s free hand.

 

Violet, still stroking his arm, agreed, “Friend.  Brione friend of Violet’s.”

 

“You’re starting to sound like Forager, referring to yourself in the third person.” Brion commented with a laugh, “Speaking of which, where is he?  And Jeff?”

 

Dick replied, “They went out like two hours ago to get supplies and visit Jeff’s daughters Anissa and Jen.”

 

“Oh, I disassociated for hours then?” Brion asked, “Well,  _ that’s not terrifying.” _

 

Artemis shrugged, “You’ve been through trauma, maybe it was a way to cope.   Point is, we’re going to help you through this, that’s what friends are for, and we  _ are  _ going to find Tara.  You just gotta trust us.”   
  


“Okay.” Brion nodded, “I trust you.”

 

Before anything else could be said, Forager and Jeff came bursting through the door, holding bags of shopping, Jeff looking extremely confused.

 

_ “Why is the barn collapsed?”   _ he asked, looking around the group of people.

 

Conner tapped Brion’s shoulder, “I think this is your one to explain, buddy!”

 

Brione cursed under his breath.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter @steelatoms and tumblr @bisexualseg-el
> 
> kudos/comments are v appreciated


End file.
